Commandment 1: Thou shalt tell the truth
It can be tempting to polish the truth about yourself when you set up your mature dating profile. We all want to show our best possible selves when we’re searching for a new partner. Snip a few years off your actual age? Add a couple inches to your height? Sure, these don’t seem like they should be dating deal breakers, and in themselves, they’re not. However, you’re only setting yourself up for a humiliating fall. Whether it’s an instant acknowledgement from your date that you’re definitely not in the ‘slim’ body type category, or a moment when they realise it’s your 65th – not 55th – birthday further down the line, lying when senior dating eventually comes to light. It’s the huge erosion of trust that your date has in you, not your own insecurities, that’s the problem; if they can’t trust you to be truthful about the little things, how can they possibly trust you with more important matters? Attract people through being who you are.
Commandment 2: Thou shalt not be too picky
Many people are impatient when it comes to mature dating, whether it’s online or offline, because they can’t find anyone they like as quickly as they would like. It’s not likely your perfect match will happen instantaneously, and you need to be realistic and open minded when it comes to meeting a wide variety of people to see who you connect with. Branch out, don’t be constricted by usual ‘type’ and you’ll be pleasantly surprised with who you meet!
Commandment 3: Thou shalt meet quickly
Most of us mature dating have busy lives. It’s easy to be sucked into email conversations that drag on for weeks or even longer as we constantly put off actually meeting our senior dating prospect. This is usually due to a combination of our own busyness, but also those pesky nerves. You can connect with someone via messaging, but you need to meet up as soon as possible to see if there is meaningful chemistry between you. A maximum of 5 or 6 messages between you is more than enough for you to gauge whether you want to meet someone. Stop messaging and start mature dating!
Commandment 4: Thou shalt not rush things
Once you’ve met up, it’s time to take things slowly. Senior dating isn’t a race to get into a relationship. You should look forward to getting to know someone new and exciting, but don’t confuse lust for love. There’s no hurry to rush into anything before you’re certain it’s the right path for you, so don’t get committed until you’ve got to know your partner better after at least a few months.
Commandment 5: Thou shalt have a life
It’s essential that you balance mature dating with the other activities in your life which bring you joy. Pursuing other activities other than senior dating will continue to make your life more interesting and fulfilling, just as they did before. Give yourself a break and a breather by treating yourself to some time where your focus isn’t on your dates or dating. Avoid overwhelming yourself or your dates through your phone, emails or last minute visits, and instead let connections instead build up naturally.
Commandment 6: Thou shalt not assume this is The One
It might seem romantic to declare after a week or two that you’re soulmates, but you’ll just come across as overbearing. Invest too much emotion into a new relationship, and you stand to get badly hurt if and when it doesn’t work out. Remember that your new partner is probably mature dating and still seeing other people until you make your relationship exclusive, not to mention they have a whole life outside of you.
Commandment 7: Thou shalt not give too much information
You have a past; your partner has a past. In the older dating scene lots of us have history which is still very important to our day to day lives. But discussing the intimate details of those pasts, especially the bits with ex partners and spouses in them, could seriously harm your prospects, by leading to unnecessary jealousy and competitiveness. Badmouthing the ex, or laughing drunkenly about the weirdest one-night stand you ever had, may seem like a great idea at the time, but it really isn’t.
Commandment 8: Thou shalt not be best friends with your ex
Whatever the reason you came out of your last relationship for, you’re mature dating now to find someone to be the most important person in your life. Even if you ended your last relationship amiably, if you want to succeed with a new partner, you cannot have any sort relationship with the ghosts of your past beyond what is absolutely necessary. It’s unfair on your new partner, and will selfishly cause them insecurity until they fully know you. Whenever you’re interacting with your ex, just imagine how you would feel if they were doing exactly the same things as you were, and think about how it might make them feel.
Commandment 9: Thou shalt not flog a dead horse
Don’t lead someone on by continuing in a relationship that’s just not working for you. It takes guts to walk away from a mature dating relationship, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but hanging around is just wasting everyone’s time. The sooner you break the news, the sooner both of you – especially your rejected partner – can mourn and move on to a better match.
Commandment 10: Thou shalt take it in your stride
Much like in life, mature dating is bound to have its ups and downs. Stay true to seeking what you know will really bring you true happiness; don’t settle if things don’t feel quite right, don’t beat yourself up if something that was going well doesn’t turn out the way you want it and don’t wallow in self pity if things aren’t immediately where you’d like them to be. Do keep searching for someone who will truly appreciate you, and who you can build something worth nurturing to last far into the future. Good luck on your senior dating journey!