Julie: Okay. Now it's time for us to answer more of your questions.
As I said at the start, we've had so many.
And you've been absolutely amazing.
Here are a few of them.
John, 61, says: "I can't get my head around chatting to more than one person at once. It does seem a bit like cheating. Advice, please."
And Aileen,61, says: "Do you recommend going on several dates with several people, before going on second dates with any of them?"
Kate: Right. When you're doing online dating, please don't think of talking to lots of different people as cheating, because until you've met someone in person, you haven't established the relationship and you haven't seen if there are physical connections there, how you get on with each other, how the conversation flows.
So, it's not like that.
Online dating gives you a chance to talk to a lot of people, and then narrow that down to the people you go on first dates with.
And it's really good, if you're like me, where you tend to fall in love with someone's online dating profile instantly.
I mean, someone who wrote me... I'm married now and I've met my husband doing online dating. But when someone wrote a really well written message to me, I was gone.
I invented this entire person in my head and no man could ever measure up to that in real life.
So, talking to other people kind of helps you keep your feet on the ground until you've met up in person.
I wouldn't keep the multi-dating going beyond the first date.
I think you have a few first dates with people, and then probably choose or talk about it on the date, like, "I really like you, I don't want to see anyone else.
What do you think?"
But I think just talking to lots of people is the brilliant thing about online dating, and it's not cheating.
It's cheating if you lie about it and continue doing it, but not up until the first date.
Julie: Great.
Julie: Andrew, who's 60, says: "Online, I'm able to communicate better. I'm funnier online. At a first meeting, I have struggled to be funny. Any tips?"
Kate: I love this question.
This is such a sweet, sensitive question, and I think one of the benefits of online dating is, you're right, you do have time to prepare your messages, to think about what you're going to say, to think of the perfect witty anecdote.
And sometimes, when we're in a first date situation, if the nerves kick in, or you haven't been on a date for a while, all of sudden you think, "Oh, no!" and then you worry they're not going to like you, because your sense of humor is probably one of the things that you like most about yourself, and think it's what makes you attractive.
What I would say is, being a funny person doesn't mean saying funny things.
And, in fact, one of the easiest ways to show that you're a person with a great sense of humor is just to find lots of things funny.
So, if your date says something funny to you, laugh at it.
If I went on a date with a man and he fell about everything that I said,
I would leave that date thinking that he had the most brilliant, honed sense of humor of anyone I'd ever met.
So, please, don't think of it as a performance.
It's not a stand-up show.
It's a chance for you to see what your conversation is like together, and if they say something funny, really laugh at it, or just find humor in something that happens.
Like, you ordered a terrible starter, make fun of it.
Make fun of yourself.
Then your sense of humor will come out.
You don't have to perform. Just let it come naturally.
Julie: Great.
Julie: Okay, two more questions now.
Jane is 55, she says: "How long do you keep chatting when they don't seem to commit to meeting in person?"
Chatting online, that is.
And Eva, 52, says: "With the online dating, is it better to meet someone soon after starting to chat, or get to know them first via chatting before agreeing to meet?"
Good questions.
Kate: I think after about 10 messages, so you've sent five and they've sent five back, I think that is the time when you really should have agreed to meet up, or have some kind of plan in place for actually meeting up in person.
And if it got beyond the 10 messages, I would start pulling back.
I would stop replying to everything straight away, and I would just let the gaps become longer and longer, and probably fizzle out completely.
This isn't about playing games.
What this is about is not letting someone get their fix of you just online, because some people go into online dating wanting a kind of virtual penpal girlfriend, someone they can send messages to in the morning, messages in the evening, but not actually meet up in person.
And they way you're going to weed those people out or the way you're going to encourage those people to meet you in person is just not to let them get their fix of you through the messages.
So, I reckon 10 messages and then really start leaving the gaps. And it works.
If someone really wants to meet you and they didn't maybe want to rush you or something, when you stop replying so soon they will be much more motivated to meet you in person.
Julie: Good, okay.
Julie: Paul, 56, says: "How much information is too much?"
Kate: A good way to judge it is, would you say that to someone face-to-face on a first date?
And if you wouldn't, then it's probably not something that you should be putting on your profile.
A really good way to write your profile is just to say it out loud and think, would I talk about myself in this way?
Would I talk about all these things that have happened to me?
Would I talk about my recent lottery win?
You know, would I talk about anything?
So, would you say it to me in person?
If you would, put it in your profile.
If you don't, that's something that you probably want to reveal a little bit later, because like we said already, anything you say on a first date is so massive.
You want it to be just one part of you when they know the rest.
Julie: Okay, Kate, we've just got a couple of minutes, literally, left.
Julie: So, I'm going to think probably finish with Jenny.
Jenny's 57 and she says: "What etiquette should be used on a first date?
For instance, if you meet someone that you don't want to see again, but they seem really keen, what suggestions have you got, please, to prevent awkwardness at the end of the meeting?"
Kate: If you're definitely sure you don't want to see them again, then I would say that at the end of the meeting.
"At the end of the meeting," that sounds like a job interview, like, "I'm so sorry, you're not through to the next round."
I would say something like, "I've had such a lovely evening, it's been lovely to meet you, but I just don't feel a spark."
Because no one can argue with your feelings.
If you say things that people can argue about, like, "I think we live too far away," they'll be like, "I can drive to you!"
Just stick to your feelings.
"I've had a lovely time, I'm afraid I just don't feel a spark."
Having said that, if you're on the fence and not sure, I would say it's always worth going for a second date, even if it's just a coffee or a really quick meeting with them, because, as we sort of heard with Andrew earlier, he was worried about his sense of humor, some people aren't at home on a first date.
And maybe that side of them, the best side of them, isn't going to come out.
On a second date, often people are more relaxed, and you start to see the real them.
And that could be the version that you fall in love with.
Julie: Good.
Good advice. Thank you, Kate.
I'm afraid that's all we've got time for in this session.
We hope you found it positive and helpful.
Thank you so much for all those amazing questions and your feedback.
And a big thank you to our Ourtime team.
Kate: And thank you as well for coming to this.
I can't state this enough, is such a positive step that you've taken by immersing yourself in information like this and it's such a positive step toward finding love, and I hope it's boosted your confidence.
If it hasn't, remember: Superman all the way.