Are you feeling tongue-tied? Can’t find the words to message that attractive someone you’ve matched with? Worry not, here’s the five simple steps you need to follow to create the perfect first message.
All of us online daters have experienced the same feeling – particularly if you’ve just started mature dating for the first time in awhile – when you click on that message box, your heart begins to flutter and your brain just…freezes. Where did all the words that normally come so naturally go? Relax, grab a cuppa, and we’ll walk you through the five steps to make your first message a good one.
1. CHECK AND RE-CHECK YOUR PROFILE
This step is simple, but absolutely essential. It doesn’t matter how charming our message is if we don’t have a profile to back it up. Your profile is just as important as the message we’re going to send. Before replying, the singleton you’re messaging will be sure to check out your profile, so be certain you’ve got your photos and bio all ready to go.
2. BE SURE TO INCLUDE THEIR NAME
There’s something instantly personable about using someone’s name, even if they’re a stranger – for now. Using the name the person you’re messaging name shows that you’ve (at the very least) taken the time to have a look at their profile, and you’re not shooting the exact same message to everyone you’re interested in.
3. CHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN FIND FROM THEIR PROFILE
Scour their profile, and talk about interesting tidbits you find in there, from an obscure sport to a band you both love or even a cute looking pet! The more you show that you’ve taken the time to check their profile out thoroughly, the more personable and likely to be interesting your message will be. If their profile included a witty line that made you laugh, tell them, or if they’re a rugby fan, tell her that you’d given up hope on finding a woman who also loved rugby.
4. ASK AN INTERESTING QUESTION
This one will most likely come from your profile research. One of the best conversation starting techniques is to ask open ended questions – these are questions which invite them to expand further than a “yes” or “no” answer. Take something from their profile or photos to talk about. They chose those photos and wrote that bio, so it’s likely they’ll want to talk about those things. Asking a question like “Your dog looks like it’s having the time of her(?) life in your photo! What breed is she?”
5. KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET
Don’t make the mistake of spilling your heart out too early. You don’t know each other yet! The best first messages include what we’ve talked about above: their name, something that stood out to you in their profile/bio and a interesting, open ended question. You’re only trying to get a conversation started, not to win thier affection in all at once (which is usually a big turn off), so keep your first message to nothing more than a few sentences.