Dating in your 50s is very different from dating in your 20s, or even in your 30s and 40s. But this doesn’t mean that it’s more difficult than it was during those periods in your life, despite what friends or family might tell you. In fact, there is a very strong case for this being the very best time in your life to start a new relationship.
You are older, wiser, and probably more financially secure, as are the people you will meet. Nevertheless, there are some rules to the dating game that never change and you need to be mindful of these to make sure you meet the right people.
Although the singles you meet in your 50s are more mature and self-aware, it can be a double-edged sword. A person exhibiting immature behaviour in their 20s can be forgiven because of their youth. Someone in their 40s or 50s with the same issues should know better.
Some would say that if they haven’t learned by now, they never will.
We are always optimistic about a person’s ability to change but we also believe that the responsibility is up to them. It is certainly not up to you!
Here are some dating red flags that are tell-tale signs someone needs to do a little more work on themselves. You can save yourself and the other person time, money, and potentially some heartache if you keep these in mind throughout the online dating process.
What is a dating red flag?
The term ‘red flag’ sounds pretty dramatic, but given what’s at stake, it is actually quite reasonable. So, what do we mean exactly when we use this term?
The Encyclopaedia Britannica defines it as follows:
‘Red flag : a warning sign : a sign that there is a problem that should be noticed or dealt with.’
In the world of dating, it refers to any behaviour—verbal, physical, online, or otherwise—that warns you in advance that this relationship isn’t for you. Worse again, it can indicate that it isn’t a relationship at all and you may be at risk of being scammed.
Online dating is an extremely safe activity and every reputable dating website has a vetting process that helps to eliminate bad actors, but no system is perfect. We are all adults in a grown-up world and we need to take responsibility for our actions online and offline.
This guide will give you the edge in dodging relationship bullets and mismatches and spotting potential scams a mile away. That way, you won’t waste a single moment of your time.
Where to spot dating red flags
One of the huge benefits of online dating in your 50s, whether it’s on a dating website or a dating app, is that your first contact with a new person is virtual. You can learn a lot from how someone has completed their profile, as well as their first interactions with you.
In real life, you can be thrown off by superficial charm, or caught off guard by a spontaneous interaction. With a dating site, you get to browse through someone’s online presence at your leisure.
This is a great way to spot potential red flags. Scanning a profile for offbeat notes, gaps in information, and other eyebrow-raising details should become second nature to you. Don’t underestimate how important this can be.
Once you have given their profile the seal of approval, it’s time to get in touch. Your first contact will likely be through the written word. You can learn a lot from this, all while utilising the layer of protection provided by the online dating platform. If anything seems strange, it’s far better to nip it in the bud than to let things develop further.
Also, while you’re checking out other people’s profiles, remember to make sure yours is up to scratch as well!
Your next big opportunity to spot something that may be amiss is on the first date. This is where things can be a little more challenging. If you act promptly in this early stage of getting to know someone, you can save yourself a world of trouble later on.
Let’s take a look at some of the warning signs to watch out for before you commit to meeting someone in person.
The top 5 dating red flags when you meet someone online
This is not a comprehensive list, but these 5 warning signs shouldn’t be ignored. Any one of them might be your signal to walk on by.
Red Flag: An incomplete dating profile.
Why it’s bad: Like a good CV, you can tell if someone really wants the job right away or not. A sloppy profile indicates this person is not that invested in meeting someone new.
What to do: Pass.
Red Flag: A narcissistic dating profile.
Why it’s bad: This can be a very complete profile, but it’s all ‘me, me, me’. If there’s anything about who they are looking for it’s all demands about who that person must be and what’s in it for them.
What to do: Hard pass.
Red Flag: Communicates a lot but won’t meet.
Why it’s bad: They might just be shy, but it can also mean they have something to hide. Their profile might not reflect who they are. No matter what the reason, it’s not up to you to solve that problem.
What to do: If you are really interested you can ask them why they won’t meet. Maybe there’s a legitimate reason. If there’s no clear answer, this is a polite but firm pass.
Red Flag: Fixated on one topic.
Why it’s bad: This can be anything from their hobby to their ex. It’s fine if that’s who they are, but it probably means they don’t have space for you in their world until they learn to balance this aspect of their lives.
What to do: A firm, but polite pass.
Red Flag: Evasive conversation.
Why it’s bad: Your Spidey senses should be buzzing with this one. They are hiding something and it could be anything from low self-esteem about some aspect of their lives to the behaviour of an online scammer.
What to do: If you don’t get the answers you want, run. But always politely.
The top 5 red flags during a first date
Your hot prospect hasn’t raised any of the above red flags and you have now progressed onto your first date. You are more invested at this point, but it’s still early days and this is another great opportunity to watch out for warning signs before things get complicated.
Red Flag: They have nothing to contribute to the conversation
Why it’s bad: It’s fine if someone is a little shy or nervous, but someone who just eats and won’t talk on a first date will likely not be very communicative in a relationship either.
What to do: You can ask if they have something on their mind and make a judgment based on their answer. If there was some other reason they impressed you, consider giving them a second chance. If nothing changes, step away politely.
Red Flag: Poor eye contact
Why it’s bad: Not everyone is great at this, but if you have reached your 50s and haven’t overcome this problem, there are likely other issues that need to be addressed.
What to do: They might be just a shy person, so don’t be cruel. Nevertheless, it’s not your duty to fix them. Thank them for their time and when the date is done, bow out gracefully.
Red Flag: They complain about everything
Why it’s bad: Criticising everything on a first date is a big no-no. Especially if the complaints are about an ex. Once they get to know you, that critical eye will be turned on you too.
What to do: Make your excuses and leave.
Red Flag: Bad etiquette
Why it’s bad: Playing with their phone. Showing up late without calling or apologising. Poor hygiene. Sloppy attire. None of these things are desirable.
What to do: This was their chance to shine, but sadly, they blew it. Make it a short date or scoot on out of there before they arrive.
Red Flag: It’s all about ‘me’
Why it’s bad: The narcissist in person. This is your second chance to weed this one out.
What to do: Run. Knock over tables and chairs to escape if you have to!
10 more warning signs to keep an eye out for
Those are our top ten warning signs to save you time, money, and a potential world of trouble. If you spot them and take action, you are well on your way to meeting that special someone.
Here are 10 more minor red flags to keep tucked away in the back of your mind:
- The guy who always insists on paying. The woman who refuses to ever let you pay.
- Their life is all regret with nothing joyful or positive to share.
- Too much too soon. Planning marriage and children on the first date.
- Oversharing. Some things should stay under wraps, at least at first.
- Bad sense of personal space.
- Humourless and intense.
- Overloads you with questions but won’t share anything about themselves.
- Stays fixated on one topic they can’t ever be drawn from.
- Rude or mean to the wait staff. You’ll be next.
- Controlling behaviour with you or the people around you.
Ready to take action?
Dating in your 50s has never been easier or more fun than it is today. If you’re ready to take the plunge and get back out into the world, it’s as simple as registering with us. Fill out your profile and then keep these tips about red flags in mind as you embark on your new adventure!
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