The Senior’s Guide to Safe Online Dating

The dating world has changed dramatically in recent years. If you’re a senior dater you may not recognise the terrain, especially if you are coming out of a long-term relationship. Whether you are meeting people online or in person, it’s important to practice good personal safety. That’s true even if you are using a trusted dating app, as it always pays to be a little more diligent.

If senior online dating wasn’t even a thing the last time you were single, this guide will tell you everything you need to know about staying safe when meeting new people on both free and paid dating sites.

Why is Safety a Top Priority When Senior Dating?

Although the vast majority of interactions between people of any age on both free and premium membership dating websites are entirely safe, there are still hundreds of incidents of fraud and other dating-related crimes in the UK every year. After all, there are a lot of sites and apps out there and they are used by millions of people every day. Senior dating is no exception to this rule.

Crime statistics gathered between 2003 and 2021 by the UK National Crime Agency show that while the vast majority of victims are single females, at 83%, the proportion of crimes against male victims increased by 2% to 17% compared to the last dataset.

All age groups are also affected, including seniors. So, regardless of age or gender, you need to practice common sense and be on your guard as a senior dater when you are looking for love and interacting with people on the internet, no matter how good the dating membership site may seem.

What Are the Risks of Online Membership Senior Dating?

Online and offline dating for seniors carry separate risks, as do premium and free membership sites. But as members of online dating communities ultimately advance toward in-person encounters, it’s vital you know the risks associated with both of them.

The three main risks involved with internet dating for seniors on membership sites are:

• Online dating fraud
• Stalking
• Sexual abuse

Some of these risks may have been present in the old days. Others are new. Either way, it pays to know all about them.

Online dating fraud

This can take many forms but most often it involves financial fraud. The people you are interacting with have no intention of forming a relationship and have their sights firmly trained on your financial resources as a senior. Finding love is the furthest thing from their minds.

While this can affect any age group, senior daters are targeted specifically by many criminals. They view single seniors as being more financially secure, as age often creates financial stability in the form of home ownership, pensions, and savings accounts. You may become the target of more practiced and sophisticated criminals. They will try to win your trust before they either ask you for money or gain access to your bank account or other financial resources.

Sophisticated practitioners of this sort of crime only need to learn some basic details from your online dating profile to perpetrate identity theft. Once they have that information, the results can be devasting. Social engineering techniques allow them to access bank accounts, smartphones, and other highly sensitive and personal assets.

This form of crime is doubly harmful as not only do people lose money or other valuables, but there is a loss of emotional trust as well.

Stalking

We often think of stalking as a problem that affects rich and famous people, but the reality is that it can affect anyone, including senior daters. People who engage in this kind of behaviour are not thinking rationally and have the potential to become fixated on you regardless of your wealth, status, or age.

This crime is particularly hard to spot as a stalker may appear very sympathetic to people at first. Certain aspects of their behaviour taken in isolation may seem quite normal, but when combined with other red flags they add up to a very dangerous pattern.

It’s important as a senior dater to be observant and to act at the earliest possible stage to prevent the situation from becoming more serious.

Sexual abuse

Unfortunately, this form of abuse affects people of any age group, including senior daters. It can appear in relationships initiated online as well as offline. The same dangers and rules apply as in any other situation and you need to be on your guard regardless of your age, gender, or experience when it comes to sexual abuse.

How to Plan and Prepare for a Secure First Date When Senior Dating

Although you need to be aware of the dangers, it is not all doom and gloom. Staying safe as a member of a senior dating site or app is mostly a question of common sense and there are plenty of easy steps you can take to make your first date, and every subsequent date, as safe as possible.

Here are our top ten tips for making your in-person dates secure:

1. Inform people about your plans. If you’re not in contact with them by a certain time they can be on standby to collect you or take further action.
2. Choose a public location with people around for your date. Never invite a stranger to your home or accept an invitation to theirs until you have excellent reason to trust them. This is why restaurants, clubs, parks, funfairs, street fairs, and other public venues make great first dates.
3. An early date is a great option to keep things safe and non-committal. Lunch versus dinner, early cafe versus restaurant or late-night venue mean you will have an easy exit if the date doesn’t work out or you feel unsafe. Again, having people around is a great idea.
4. Do thorough research on your date. Although this is easier than ever with social media, you also need to be aware that a professional criminal may well take steps to have a plausible social medial profile in place. Watch out for discrepancies or other telltale signs in their profile and look for accounts on other sites.
5. Arrange for your transport. If you have a vehicle, use it. Don’t agree to be picked up at your home or place of work. If you don’t have your own transport, make sure either to have someone you trust collect you or ensure there will be safe public transport nearby.
6. Don’t reveal too much. You have no obligation to tell people any personal details until you know them well. Your place of work, home address, age, date of birth, and other details should all remain confidential until well after they have earned your trust. Keep your profile basic and your answers short until you have a good read on them and their intentions.
7. If you have location sharing on your phone, turn it on and share with trusted people so they know where you are at all times.
8. Agree on a code with a trusted friend. If you get in trouble, send the code word to your friend so they can come to the rescue or take some other agreed-upon action.
9. If you have a profile picture of your date with their name and other details, make a screen grab and send it to a friend.
10. If a date isn’t going well, tell them you’re parked just outside and need to renew your parking ticket. You can do your disappearing act and they will be none the wiser. Arriving by car means you’re always prepared to make a speedy getaway, so it’s a good option if it’s available to you.

If you’re interested in senior dating and are curious to know more, check out our handy guide to the do’s and dont’s of online membership dating for the over 50s.

Red Flag Alert: Top 10 Things to Watch Out for on Your First Date

You should mainly be looking out for fun and potential love when senior dating, but in the corner of your eye, make sure to keep tabs on the following 10 red flags:

1. Your date declares their love for you on the first date. Legit people don’t do this. Those stars in their eyes are more likely your bank account and personal details.
2. They grill you for details about your address, workplace, age, and date of birth or other useful information.
3. They request that you keep your relationship with them a secret and don’t tell any friends or family. Are they really looking for love?
4. They ask for financial help of any kind. If this is on a first, second, or subsequent date, they are a con artist who takes you for a sucker. Don’t be that sucker!
5. They present you with information about yourself that you did not volunteer to them. This is a good indication they have been stalking you online.
6. They exhibit obsessive behaviour or any other sign that they are not fully in control of their emotions.
7. They neither look nor act anything like their dating profile.
8. They show a hint of racism or sexism. This sort of behaviour should not be tolerated.
9. They display controlling behaviour. Although it may seem flattering to have someone insist on choosing your entire meal for you, especially if they have good taste, it’s not a good sign.
10. There are discrepancies with regard to their personal information (their profile displays the wrong age or status, for instance), as well as evasive and vague answers. Their entire online identity may be fake.

If you want to delve more into the red flags of online dating as a senior, have a good read of our detailed blog post on the subject.

Establish Clear Communication and Set Boundaries

The best way to balance safety with having a good time when online dating as a senior is to establish and maintain very clear communication and to set your boundaries early. If your date is like you, they will understand completely and will do the same thing as you to protect themselves from your potentially nefarious behaviour!

What You Can Do to Stay Safe When Online Dating: The Bottom Line

Trying to stay safe when senior online dating can seem like a minefield at times, but if you keep the four As in mind, it becomes much simpler:

• Avoid fake profiles and potential scams. Snoop their online profile for any hint of deception.
• Assert yourself if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable in any way. Don’t be afraid to make your excuses and leave if things are going south.
• Ask yourself if they really need that information. Don’t share personal details that abusive people of any kind could use.
• Always choose a reputable online dating site or app with safety features built in. Hint, hint, we highly recommend the Ourtime website or an app like Match 🙂

What to Do if You Have Been Affected by Online Dating Fraud or Abuse

If you think you have been the victim of online romance fraud, contact ActionFraud. If you are in Scotland, call the police on 101.

If you know of someone involved in a romance fraud scam you can report the information anonymously.

If you are a victim of stalking you can contact the National Stalking Helpline.

If you have been the victim of sexual abuse or assault you should contact the police and/or the Sexual Assault Referral Centre.

Have Fun and Stay Safe

Now that you have the tools to protect yourself and other people, isn’t it time to take the plunge?

Check our detailed post on dating for people over 50 to get up to speed on how things may have changed since the last time you were free and single.

Safe Dating Sites for Seniors

The site you choose is obviously integral to your safe dating experience.

You need a site that vets its users, allows for easy reporting, and actively discourages negative and unsafe behaviour. Unfortunately, not all sites tick these boxes, but Ourtime does.

We use an in-house messaging service that allows you to send and receive messages without exchanging personal information. You can connect, chat, and watch out for those red flags. If the flags start waving, just block them!

Our automated safety checks also scan messages for illegal, harmful, and abusive content, allowing all senior members to chat within the confines of a safe community.

That’s why so many senior daters are opting for an Ourtime membership.

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